Lost

On Sunday in church one of our pastors was talking about how God can change your condition or make it better. Like your life, that's what I want. I don't know how to give everything to God without taking it back. It hurts and I want to give it to God but I don't know how to not hold on to what I want to give to God. I did nothing but cry last night. I have all this anger and I want to get rid of it but don't know how. I know God can change me and heal me but where do I start? I have so much built up. sometimes all I want to do is cry all day.

I give it all to you!

I want to more than just in tune with Him! I want to be on fire. I know you have plans for me. I believe, I want you to change me. I want you to do what you need to in me. I want you! I don't want this garbage that is keeping me away from you anymore God. Please, Take it all. I surrender it all to you...I don't want to keep anything from you. I give my all. I will spend time in your word and in prayer. I will make it a habit. All I want is for you to do your will in me! God please. You have done so much for me already, I am ready for the rest of it!

Thoughts all at once...

So I have not posted in forever. There is a lot going on. Its crazy being an adult. Not fun. I went to the doctor today and I am having an ultrasound done and I am scared...I am just hoping it goes well Since Breast cancer runs in my dad's side of the family. We will see. School is great, life is great. I am excited for summer classes!

Autobiography...

My Auntobiography: I had to write one for two of my classes! One being in Psychology, Oh goody. A Psychology major with issues??? Dumb huh? Oh well I want to better myself. So when I was in the process of writing my autobiography I noticed that there were many things I couldn't remember. Was it because something is wrong with me or have I built a wall to protect my emotions? I am so confused, still in pain and yet people still deny the fact that they helped put me in this area. I am not blaming anyone for my problems because they are all mine, I had to deal with my life being a screw up. I am the one who is a disgrace and dissapointment to everyone. I'm just saying things work both ways. It's not just one persons fault. In this case I broke down, I don't want to remember anything about my childhood through teenage years. They SUCKED the life out me. Now I am at the point where only God matters to me. The people I hold close to my heart I need to keep there. All I want is for God to fill me with His spirit again to the point where nothing else matters. I want God to take over, I am in the process of getting my passion for God back. I've made back disicions that had the end effect of me not being as close to God because I din't listen to Him. Hmmmmm, anything new? I want that to change, I want my life to change to the fullest. I want to be able to help people like me or even in some ways worse than me. I am on a journey to find God again, I know Him and know that He is with me but I really want to know Him! I am anxious to see the outcome of it!

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Didn't have a title! LOL! So a lot has happened since I last worte! I'm trying to keep this updated so please bare with me! So last week me and My Foster Mom had to put one of the dogs down...It was emotional! I was there in the room while they did it. I have to say I didn't want to leave him...I have never been to one of those and being able to be there was amazing! Not amazing like I loved it but amazing as in it was an experience I will never forget!

I have also been going to this Bible Study on Thursday nights! It's pretty great! We are disscussing sexuality! How God sees us as women! We just started it so we will see what happens! It has been great so far! Also I am being given a chance to work with the youth at the church I am going to! I am stoked! I will be able to experience what I will be doing in the future. See what kind of training I need to get my lisence to become a youth minister! School is going great! Stephen is graduating in May and it makes me sad! I am hoping he stays here and goes to NMSU! I don't want him to leave me! LOL! We will see! I'm happy for him though, I loved graduation! So exciting and scary all at once. But now college is the next step and I am excited to see what interesting things I will learn! So much I want to know but not enough time in life :(

Adventures continues...

So school started today! Yay! I love it so far! I is great. I met some people! They are cool! So this morning I went to class right, well guess what it was the wrong class. I had the right books but on my schedule I had the wrong class. Weird right? Uh Yes! LOL! So anyway I fixed it but I thought that was crazy the way it happened. So my financial Aide is in progress! I am having to write a letter saying that I was out of my parents house for the last two years of high school along with 3 other people! This is so I can declare an independant status! Yay! Then I get to file my own taxes this year and have something to back up my financial aide with! Things are working out! Still have some things to adjust on my schedule but other than that all is good! Now it is time for class again! I'll try to keep everyone updated especially since I have been lousy at it the past couple of months :(

New adventures!

Wow I haven't blogged in forever! Geez! So update on me: I stopped working at KFC FINALLY! I am much less stressed I think? Anywho, I am now working at Arby's and so far I am loving it! School has started! I am still trying to rearrange my schedule because of certain cercumstances! No big deal! I am very excited about how my life is going! I am slowly learning about the difficulties and stresses of Adulthood :( Not my idea of a good time.

Everything is just so crazy. I am still doing therapy and taking my medication! I am looking into possibly moving into an appartment of my own after May! I am excited! I have had a couple of different interesting conversations about religion and my beleifs with people. It can be somewhat confusing to me not because I don't know what I'm talking about because I do. Just the fact of how can I help them understand? It's like someone telling you that what you beleive is wrong...Thanks But NO Thanks. I beleive what I do because I choose to. Yes I was raised a certain way and yes some things I don't agree but that's between God and I. Anywho I have to wrap up so until then!!!!11